10-Day Lemon Detox Diet Out, 3-Day Apple Detox Diet In (and then out again)

Ok, so--as presumed, I didn't get past the first whole day on the detox, because I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to start this stupid detox on the day of our Tenant Holiday Party, and the day before our Staff Holiday Luncheon at PF Chang's.

So, I gave up.

Friday night, while getting my mani+pedi at my favorite salon, I started gabbing with the girls and found out the the salons' owner's husband had just recently completed the amazing Lemon Detox Diet with great results. We all called him over to pick his brain. The three pieces of insight he offered:
1) you have to drink a gallon a day of the "magic potion" if you want to really see results.
2) Basically you have to stay away from other humans because watching other humans eat will kill you while detoxing. Or, possibly cause you to kill someone else.
3) If you can get thru the first two whole days, the rest is a breeze.

So, I decided to give it another go. R.G. would be working all day Saturday and I would just keep myself busy on Sunday.

Saturday: woke up early to go to Miami Gardens to pick up free furniture for my bedroom. Woke. R.J. up early as well and made him go with me in his Jeep. Got there--the furniture was not exactly my type, so we ended up leaving empty handed. Came home, and made up two portions of the good stuff, and downed it immediately. Off to the restroom and then back to the living room to watch the cutest movie ever: Away We Go.
In every scene of that movie someone was eating! Had one serving of Activia Yogurt, and then went to bed for four hours. Woke up famished, had another 8oz serving of the potion, along with a handful of Ritz Crackers. 5.pm, decided to go to work for four hours and get away from the food in the cabinets who were singing my name. During those four hours I took the remaining 3 servings. Went home, cooked for R.G. and went immediately to bed.


Woke up at noon Sunday morning dreaming of food. R.G. and I went immediately to our favorite weekend breakfast place for my weekly serving of pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, and potatoes with Cranberry Juice Cocktail to drink!

Lemon Detox Diet Officially over.

Monday, back to life as usual, lamenting to my coworkers about my weekend failure, to which he responded "You should try that apple detox diet then."

I spent the rest of the day researching it online. Basically, you stuff yourself with apples all day long (no skin, nor seeds tho) as much as you can eat. Seems easy enough.

So, I gear myself up last night. Went to a spin class (serious stuff). Went grocery shopping for about 12 appls. Came home, sliced and peeled them up and put them in a tupperwear dish and spinkled fresh lemon juice over it (keeps the apples from turning brown and also gives them a sour kick. very nice).

However, by lunch time I ended up eating a real meal. A very real and tasty meal :)


The moral of this story: It took me a few months to gain this weight, and it's probably going to take me a few months to lose it. Sad but true.

I'm going to go back to the whole participating in really high cardio at least 4 times a week. That worked last time. And cutting back on the fast food. And eating more fruit.

Let's see how that works.

Lemon Detox Day 1

So, of course, I woke up too late to get dressed, look fabulous and holiday, and make the detox before I had to leave for work. I get here early and no one is in the office so I could take my time making it/getting it all over the place and psyching myself up to actually drink it.

The thing is, I tried to do this before, and I can still taste the cayenne pepper and feel how my throat immediately gags while I'm trying to get the first gulp down. I think that it's just because I tried to make enough for three servings so I could carry a thermos around all day sipping up and I messed up the quantities.

Ok--ready for the first gulp. Will update laters.
Hey, it actually tastes good! Maybe next time more Cayenne Pepper for a little more kick ;)

It's Time to Kick My Own A$$

First day of brand new blog. Let's see if I am any good at this. I am inspired by Bridget Jones.
Now that I think of it, would be great if you could update blog from Blackberry--I would probably be alot more successful...

Anyway- I'm doing this to express myself, obviously.
I have alot of problems, but doesn't everyone? One of my greatest problems is that I have a problem with stick-to-it-tiveness. I give up easy-- I'm always looking for a way out. I can't even run a mile, but everyone always asks me if I run track.

So, tomorrow, to solve all of my problems, I am going to begin a Lemon Detox diet.

I know, I know--its probably a bad idea, but I'm going to do it anyway. It's only 10 days.10 days of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and Activia yogurt when I feel like I am going to pass out. I've never in my life followed any type of diet for more than 1 day. Food and me are frendz.

Today, I will read up on it, update myself on all of the pros and cons. If I'm dead in 10 days or less, then you probably shouldn't try this at home.

I feel like everyone is disappointed in me--most of all I am disappointed in myself:
Bad Credit
Always Broke
Gaining weight
Can't control uneccessary spending
Can't force myself to excersize or eat healthy
Can't prevent myself from cutting my hair as soon as it grows, and then hating it for months until it starts to grow out.
Can't even force myself off of Birth Control which, I am convinced, has made me gain all of this weight anyway.
Can't get a better job--I feel like I will be an assistant forever.
Can't do a good job to get promoted.
My parent are disappointed that I am not yet finished with school. My love is disappointed that I am gaining weight and am moody all of the time (BIRTH CONTROL's FAULT!!). My boss is disappointed that I am always effing up on tiny things all the time and has to correct me for a million things a day. My friends are disappointed that I settled for less. Even I feel that God has given up on me.

So, I can only do one thing at a time in my sinful mortal state, therefore I decided to start with losing weight.
And then getting an allergy Rx and my eye exam for this year so I can get new contacts. These old ones are killing me.

Will report back to inform how day 1 goes.
Ciao for now.